Life sometimes places you in situations you never anticipated...
Growing up in a secured family with a strong and caring father, demure mother and cute little brother, life was nearly perfect . But now years later life has become something i never ever imagined. I am in wrong side of 30, unmarried, in a job with no progress, father dead, mother mentally and physically weak and brother 8 years younger whom i literally bought up after fathers death, all set to marry all the while plotting and spreading lies about me. I was not even invited for his marriage. The news of engagement was hidden from me by my own mother in the fear of upsetting me.
what to make of all this? why life throws such surprises at you ? here i am sitting all alone in a small rented flat and penning all this. I never expected anything like this to happen to me ever. I was always that cute sweet shy girl loved and protected by the family. Now its as if i am living someone else life. Does it hurt? YES , mornings and nights are the worst. A piercing pain in your heart the moment you open your eyes. the truth that you have been abandoned by the people who mattered to you most is a truth hard to come into terms with. It does'nt let you to stay awake nor it let you sleep. And how am i surviving. Its said that when life tries to overthrow you , you need to make your roots stronger and hold on to the ground like a tree in a storm. And yes i have become that tree in storm. A storm so powerful that it could even uproot me and leave me lifeless but I am trying to hold on to my roots not ready to give up. And my roots this time turned to be something i had abandoned long ago in the journey from teen to adult. My prayers and my books. Prayer , a habit instilled by years of convent school education and books , a love inherited from my father.
Prayer is making me hold on , giving me strength to survive the harsh truths. Helping me to accept my hardships as part of growing up and leave everything to god's will at the end. Not to expect anything in return and do what needs to be done from my side . Its filling my heart with love, its helping to heal wounds of my hearts slowly but steadily all the while helping me to forgive the one's who have turned my life to hell. if not this wound would have cut deep into me and killed me one day. I am learning to breath. I am learning to live .slowly but steadily.
And books its giving me wings. Wings to dream. Wings to change my life. Giving me direction in my twisted life. Helping me to pursue my dreams. And to never give up hope. Experiences of people who have been in worser situations and then turning around their life to achieve their dreams, is giving me hopes to new life. A life of happiness , success and with a greater purpose of helping others in their difficult time.
And yes when you do the efforts to improve your life, when you start taking that tiny steps to walk , life starts holding your hands. Helping you with your faltering steps. Support and love has started coming in snippets. One or two relatives in the beginning has now turned into a bunch of them. Decision to stop playing the role of a perfect daughter/sister and projecting my oh so perfect family person in front of the world and friends has resulted in crying my heart out in front of them,which has bought in the love and affections and feeling of protectiveness from friends.
Yes , i know this is not enough to live a long life. But i have stopped worrying. Because life is never as you expect or plan. Life has its own plans and twists. You never know whats around the corner. It could either give you a beautiful valley or a sharp cliff to throw you off. But the only thing that matters in the end is how you lived the life before it all ended.
Growing up in a secured family with a strong and caring father, demure mother and cute little brother, life was nearly perfect . But now years later life has become something i never ever imagined. I am in wrong side of 30, unmarried, in a job with no progress, father dead, mother mentally and physically weak and brother 8 years younger whom i literally bought up after fathers death, all set to marry all the while plotting and spreading lies about me. I was not even invited for his marriage. The news of engagement was hidden from me by my own mother in the fear of upsetting me.
what to make of all this? why life throws such surprises at you ? here i am sitting all alone in a small rented flat and penning all this. I never expected anything like this to happen to me ever. I was always that cute sweet shy girl loved and protected by the family. Now its as if i am living someone else life. Does it hurt? YES , mornings and nights are the worst. A piercing pain in your heart the moment you open your eyes. the truth that you have been abandoned by the people who mattered to you most is a truth hard to come into terms with. It does'nt let you to stay awake nor it let you sleep. And how am i surviving. Its said that when life tries to overthrow you , you need to make your roots stronger and hold on to the ground like a tree in a storm. And yes i have become that tree in storm. A storm so powerful that it could even uproot me and leave me lifeless but I am trying to hold on to my roots not ready to give up. And my roots this time turned to be something i had abandoned long ago in the journey from teen to adult. My prayers and my books. Prayer , a habit instilled by years of convent school education and books , a love inherited from my father.
Prayer is making me hold on , giving me strength to survive the harsh truths. Helping me to accept my hardships as part of growing up and leave everything to god's will at the end. Not to expect anything in return and do what needs to be done from my side . Its filling my heart with love, its helping to heal wounds of my hearts slowly but steadily all the while helping me to forgive the one's who have turned my life to hell. if not this wound would have cut deep into me and killed me one day. I am learning to breath. I am learning to live .slowly but steadily.
And books its giving me wings. Wings to dream. Wings to change my life. Giving me direction in my twisted life. Helping me to pursue my dreams. And to never give up hope. Experiences of people who have been in worser situations and then turning around their life to achieve their dreams, is giving me hopes to new life. A life of happiness , success and with a greater purpose of helping others in their difficult time.
And yes when you do the efforts to improve your life, when you start taking that tiny steps to walk , life starts holding your hands. Helping you with your faltering steps. Support and love has started coming in snippets. One or two relatives in the beginning has now turned into a bunch of them. Decision to stop playing the role of a perfect daughter/sister and projecting my oh so perfect family person in front of the world and friends has resulted in crying my heart out in front of them,which has bought in the love and affections and feeling of protectiveness from friends.
Yes , i know this is not enough to live a long life. But i have stopped worrying. Because life is never as you expect or plan. Life has its own plans and twists. You never know whats around the corner. It could either give you a beautiful valley or a sharp cliff to throw you off. But the only thing that matters in the end is how you lived the life before it all ended.
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